


Searching

by DolorousDoll



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Cant believe ghost sex is an available tag, Depression, Ghost Sex, M/M, ambiguous cause of death, slighty OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25656769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DolorousDoll/pseuds/DolorousDoll
Summary: His blue eyes widen, heart lodging itself in his throat when his fingers pass straight through Ignis and the man shows no sign of having felt anything. Noct's seen enough films in his life to know what this means.He's dead .
Relationships: Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for a very long time. I've still enjoyed reading but haven't had muse enough to create my own works for a while. I played FFXV and it kicked me right in the feels. It's a beautiful game and the characters are amazing so I decided to write this. It's my first work in this fandom and I hope I did it justice. This is an AU , no powers, ring of the Lucii etc , although it dosent matter much as the story is very self contained. 
> 
> I apologise if there are any mistakes , this isn't beta read. 
> 
> Enjoy 
> 
> Dolorous Doll X

Noct wakes slowly, black eyelashes fluttering over pale cheeks. He's lying on his side, curled up on what feels like a plush bed. He tries to sit up but a wave of nausea overtakes him so he settles back down and closes his eyes. When he breathes in the scent is clean and warm, like freshly laundered sheets mixed with a light dusting of cologne and sweat. It feels familiar. Safe.

He turns his face into the covers, breathes in that intimate yet hard to place smell. Once the sick feeling dissipates Noct slowly sits up and takes in his surroundings. He is on a bed , cotton white sheets soft beneath his splayed fingers. He's still wearing his boots which is odd so he swings his feet over the bed and flitters his eyes across the room. It's hard to tell where he is although it feels recognisable, like he's been here a hundred times before. 

Surrounding the bedroom are cardboard boxes. Is this his house? Is he moving in or moving out? He gingerly stands and moves over to the first box , gently opening the flaps . There's several items of clothes inside, all varying materials from soft silks to plush velvet's, most of them fancy shirts. It doesn't feel or look like anything Noct would wear but the clothes bring a sense of warmth to his chest. He picks up a shirt, purple coeurl print and brings it up to his face . The same smell from the bed, but stronger. He closes his eyes as he breathes , taking in the scent. 

He startles when he hears the front door open and click close , someone's voice ringing out from the front corridor. Just one voice, like they're on the phone. Noct panics for a moment, wondering who it is. He doesn't know who he is or if he lives with someone or if he maybe had a heavy night and has broken into someone's house. Distracted he places the shirt down on the bed as he walks out of the bedroom, searching out that softly accented voice. 

As he passes through the corridor, he notices his boots make no noise against the laminate flooring . He briefly looks around , notices pictures have recently been taken off of the walls, slightly lighter paint beneath where the frames were once hung. More boxes are strewn throughout what Noct notes is a flat. He continues following the voice, walks through an archway which leads to an open plan living room adjoined with a kitchen. Straight ahead of him , past a worn looking grey corner sofa are floor to ceiling windows that overlook an expansive city. Noct's mouth drops open in awe at the beauty of the buildings , before he turns his eyes away and looks towards the person who had entered the flat not long ago. 

He's facing away from Noct, tall and slim but Noct can see muscles ripple beneath his striped shirt. The man balances the phone between his ear and shoulder as he fiddles around on the worktop before him. The smell of coffee wafts through the air, a teaspoon clutters into the sink then the man is picking up his mug and turning around and Noct flails because he meant to maybe give the guy some warning , like 'sorry I'm trespassing but I dunno how I got here, could you maybe help me' but when the man turns around he doesn't so much as flinch. 

He's beautiful. Vibrant green oval eyes framed by thin black glasses ; hair slicked back into a pompadour that flickers between dirty blonde and brown when the sun reflects on it and pink cupids bow lips that have turned down in displeasure. The man sighs. 

"Really Gladio, I appreciate the concern but I am fine." The man says, an obvious lie. If the way his fingers are trembling around his coffee mug are any indication. Noct can't hear much of the conversation on the other end of the line but this Gladio sounds gruff and clearly concerned. The green eyed man slowly walks over to the worn couch and gracefully sits down upon it, one long leg folded over the other. He places his cup down shakily onto the coffee table in front of him. 

Noct follows him without fully realising , perches on the opposite end of the sofa , eyes taking in this mysterious man. He hears fragments of the conversation on the phone ; "Almost packed." "No, I don't require assistance." "Yes, I'll make sure I eat." The last sentence is followed by an eye roll and a mumbled rant that he doesn't need Gladio to come over to make him cup noodles, he'll do fine on his own thank you. The man ends the phone call with a quiet click and the minute the phone call ends it looks like whatever was holding him upright cuts loose and he releases a shuddering breath, slouching back into the couch cushions whilst digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

"Pull yourself together Ignis." He whispers and now Noct can put a name to the face he's been following around for the past five minutes. 

When Ignis pulls his hands away from his eyes, there wet with unshed tears or frustration , Noct can't tell but he feels as if he's intruding . He doesn't know why he's here and it's obvious that Ignis can't see or hear him. Noct cautiously lifts a hand , goes to place it on Ignis's shoulder. His blue eyes widen, heart lodging itself in his throat when his fingers pass straight through Ignis and the man shows no sign of having felt anything. Noct's seen enough films in his life to know what this means. 

He's dead .


	2. 2

He's dead. Noct's breathing becomes laboured, eyes shutting and heart thundering as he tries time and time again to grasp Ignis's shoulder, his hand , his arm . His fingers pass through each time and Ignis slowly sips at his coffee as if he can't feel anything at all. Through his panic addled brain a calm, soft , accented voice tells him to remain calm and gather the information he has so far. He breathes in deep, clings onto that voice and lets it soothe him until his mind has settled enough to think clearly. 

He knows his name but isn't aware of his life before he died. It seems he can sit on the furniture because he had no problem with the sofa and awoke on the bed however cannot interact with other people - it seems - as Ignis cannot touch, see or hear him. He doesn't know why he's here but there must be a reason. Maybe he lived here before Ignis and that's why there are boxes everywhere . Perhaps Ignis moved into the flat after Noct died and now Noct's spirit is trapped here. Or maybe Noct is here to guide Ignis ? There are too many variables and Noct has no way of finding out which one is true when he can't communicate with Ignis. 

Suddenly Noct feels fatigued , the very harsh reality of knowing he's dead hitting him hard. Not just dead, a spirit , fastened to this flat for some inexplicable reason. He has to take stock, see if tomorrow is any different from today then maybe he can find out why he's here. 

He slouches against the sofa , head shifting to the side and its only then that he realises that Ignis is gone. He jerks his head up and sees the coffee cup and tea spoon Ignis had used earlier washed and on the drying board. Noct stands and walks through the flat in search of the other man. There's a second bedroom , that's been turned into an office and that's where Noct finds Ignis, at the desk surrounded by papers and typing away on the laptop. He looks tired but determined and Noct watches as Ignis works and works and works. It's at least five hours later that Ignis pauses and Noct wonders what could possibly be that important that he's spent five hours doing it. When he peers over Ignis's shoulder , there's just a bunch of numbers on the screen . An accountant. How boring .

"Been going at it for five hours, time to take a break dont'cha think Specs?" The nickname spills out before Noct can question it, but it feels right , it suits Ignis. Even though Noct knows Ignis can't hear him, he feels some satisfaction when Ignis sighs , curls a hand around the back of his neck and turns his neck in a half circle first clockwise then anti clockwise. He pushes himself away from the desk and declares himself done for the day. 

Ignis makes himself dinner, pan seared river trout with garlic roasted vegetables. It smells divine and Noct's mouth waters. Ghost's don't eat - he assumes, but he enjoys watching Ignis eat it , though Ignis looks vacant , not like he's enjoying the taste of the food at all, just like he knows he has to eat for sustenance. Noct frowns and wonders why Ignis moved here, maybe he was trying to get away from something. Noct can't decipher much having only been watching Ignis for a day but he thinks maybe he's supposed to be here. 

Noct's dozing on the sofa when he clears a loud clatter , like something falling to the floor. He jolts upright and though disorientated rushes up and runs to the sound, heavy boots soundless as always. 

He enters the bedroom to find Ignis there, on his knees beside the bed , in his hand is a purple print coeurl shirt. The one Noct forgot to put back in the box. From what Noct has seen of Ignis he knows the other man is meticulous so Ignis must have known he himself didn't move the shirt. 

Ignis looks up, green eyes wet and searching. He looks around the room and Noct steps forward, willing Ignis to see him .

"Hello." Ignis whispers , voice quiet and longing and it pulls at Noct's heart. Noct leans forward , licks his dry lips. 

"Ignis, can you hear me ?" He implores but Ignis remains silent and after a while, turns his head back towards the shirt in his hands. 

The next few moments are tense and Noct stands there hoping that Ignis has heard him but nothing happens . Ignis just shakes his head as if trying to bat away stray thoughts, standing unsteadily to gently place the shirt back into the box. Noct sighs dejectedly. He wants to comfort Ignis but without the ability to speak to him, Noct is stuck. 

Noct makes his way back to the sofa, lounges across one side of it , chin hooked over the top of a cushion as he gazes at the cityscape through the window. He feels peculiar, unsure of his reason to be here but more confused on why it feels like he should be, he just wants to know why, what should he be doing? 

He must drift off because the next thing Noct sees is Ignis coming into the living room, freshly showered , his bangs soft across his forehead. His glasses are off, eyes red rimmed like he's been crying. Noct feels a pang of sorrow embed itself in his chest, he sits up and opens his mouth to enquire if Ignis is okay, then shuts it , knowing his words are ineffective. 

Ignis pours himself a large glass of red wine, sips at it dispassionately staring at nothing. Eventually he turns the tv on low and the white noise is oddly comforting in the cloying silence of the apartment. An hour or so later Ignis starts to drift off beside him, every time he's almost asleep Ignis will shake himself awake and Noct wonders why Ignis doesn't just go enjoy that plush bed he has down the hallway. 

Within time Ignis lies down on one corner of the sofa and slowly Noct does the same on the opposite side, their heads bare inches apart. Noct rubs his cheek against the sofa , tilts his head up to gaze at Ignis's eyes that have blissfully closed in sleep. Noct intends to join him , the last thing he sees before sleep claims him the thin chain around Ignis's neck pooling out, a black skull and two black titanium rings looped around the chain resting against his collarbone.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was written fairly quickly because I had the idea and wanted to write it before I lost enthusiasm. I've taken some liberties with Noct's reach to the corporal world, depending what I want him to do from chapter to chapter so sometimes his strength can seem inconsistent.

Ignis screams. Gut wrenching , soul tearing screams as he thrashes on the sofa. Noct shoots up and shouts his companions name to no avail. Ignis cannot hear him. He tries to shake Ignis awake and his hands sink straight through Ignis to thump against the sofa cushions beneath him. 

The sounds Ignis is making is crushing to hear and Noct grits his teeth, frustrated tears welling in his blue eyes. Ignis is sobbing now between pleas and Noct feels his resolve breaking , his anger rising and Ignis isn't waking up! Noct throws his arms out on either side of him, unknowingly connecting with the wine glass Ignis had left on the coffee table, knocking it over so it shatters against the wooden flooring. "Ignis, wake up!" Noct shouts and fortunately it works. Ignis gasps in a breath as he startles awake and bolts upright. Noct lets out a relieved breath. 

It takes Ignis a while to come to but during that time Noct sits beside him , watches as silent tears run down Ignis cheek and Noct feels guilty because this is a vulnerable moment after a nightmare and Ignis believes he is alone. Time passes sluggishly before Ignis goes to stand. Noct tries to warn him, but its too late. Ignis's foot lands in the broken shards of the wine glass and the green eyed man curses, leg lifting up out of instinct to survey the damage. 

Gods , Noct is an idiot. He mutters unheard apologies as Ignis hobbles to the bathroom leaving spots of blood in his wake. Noct follows him because how can he not. Ignis is sitting on the lid of the toilet seat, first aid kit splayed open on the sink to his right . Noct swallows his guilt and watches as Ignis uses the tweezers to dislodge a sharp shard of glass from his foot before depositing it into the sink and continuing to clean the wound. Noct peers at his foot and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that the cut isn't deep enough to warrant stitches , though it does look raw and red. 

"I'm sorry Iggy. I wish you could hear me." Noct tells him. "Also wish I didn't make you slice your foot open on that stupid wine glass, although now I know I can touch stuff if I really try. I'll have to practice. I think, I think maybe I'm here to look out for you. You seem lonely." Noct expresses, eyes on Ignis as he finishes cleaning his foot then proceeds to clear away the glass on the living room floor. Ignis spares a moment to look between the sofa and the glass and how he was still lying down when he awoke, wondering how the glass could have broken. 

"A fluke." Ignis says to himself before returning to the sofa. He doesn't sleep for the rest of the night. Neither does Noctis. 

/

Ignis's days as Noct comes to know them are always methodical. He wakes, works out, goes to work, cleans the apartment, works some more, eats showers and sleeps in the living room, always in the living room or a couple times - to Noct's dismay in the office chair. Never in his bedroom and Noct doesn't know why because the bed is beyond comfortable. 

Ignis receives calls every now and then , mostly from Gladio and another man named Prompto. They always seem cautious when talking to him, like their walking on egg shells and Noct has yet to find out why. He watches Ignis always , when he watches TV , when he sleeps . The only time Ignis is granted a semblance of privacy is when he is bathing or when he is changing. Noct has enough self tact and respect not to break that boundary when he has already broken so many, allowing himself to see Ignis at his most vulnerable. Screaming himself awake from continuous nightmares and those times where he seems to space out and stare into the distance, with want and longing. What for? Noct doesn't know but sometimes he gets that longing too and he tries so desperately to reach for Ignis, to assure him he's not the only one feeling that way but his hands always mist through Ignis, unable to touch. 

/

Noct spends the next couple of weeks focusing all of his attention on trying to touch objects again. Ignis has been looking more dejected than usual, is working later and Noct has noticed that some nights Ignis skips eating all together , a glass or two of wine his only sustenance. And Noct can't explain it but he feels like Ignis needs him. 

Noct concentrates, intense cobalt eyes focused on the box of pop tarts on the counter. they seemed a strange thing for Ignis to eat as he seems so health conscious. A couple of nights ago , he had taken them out of the kitchen cupboard and traced his fingers over them before leaving them on the counter. Noct closes his eyes and breathes out , thinks of all the things he wants to say to Ignis, how he wants to hold his hand, brush his hair out of his eyes and tell him that it'll be okay. Assure Ignis that he isn't the only one feeling alone and that he thinks he and Noct are supposed to help each other. Noct feels something flutter in his chest, his body suddenly feeling more weighted. This is it. In quick animated action Noct opens his eyes , fingers reaching out and grasping the box of pop tarts. "Yes!" He shouts into the empty apartment, elation making his heart soar. 

Immediately Noct breaks out in a sweat, trying to keep his concentration, keep his fingers clinging to the box, it's intense to say the least. He can feel his energy depilating but Ignis is counting on him so he needs to keep pushing. With trembling fingers Noct reaches out with his other hand to open the kitchen cupboard. He starts to feel feverish and only has enough energy to place the pop tarts back into the cupboard at a haphazard angle, palm clipping against the open cupboard door before he collapses to the floor. 

/

Ignis's voice is shaky when he arrives home and spots the kitchen cupboard ajar , the pop tarts not where he left them. Noct tries to talk to him, to assure him it's okay, but he expended so much of his energy earlier, he can barely stand. All he can do is whisper hoarse unheard pleas for Ignis not to panic. 

Ignis tries to smother a sob by putting trembling fingers over his mouth but it does nothing to hide the painful shock of sound that emerges from deep in his chest. Noct wants to cry, he was only trying to help and all he's done is make things worse.

Noct's vision swims, heart thumping as he watches Ignis stumble unsteadily away from the living room, phone in hand. He briefly hears Ignis voice , confused, frantic down the line before hanging up. When Noct follows, Ignis is sitting in the hallway back against the wall, knees drawn upto his chest, head resting against his knees. Noct mirrors Ignis's position. 

"I feel like I'm making things worse. I thought that maybe...maybe I was here to help you. I don't know who I am but I woke up and I was here and I feel drawn here, drawn to you. And I dunno if maybe it'd be different if you could hear me , cause it seems all I'm doing right now is freaking you the hell out." Noct confesses, voice low and solemn. He watches as Ignis lifts a hand - the other white knuckling his phone - to his chest where he reaches for his necklace, thumb gently caressing the skull, one black titanium ring and then the other. 

A knock at the front door startles them both but Ignis is quick to attention, answering it swiftly. 

"Thank you for coming Prompto." Ignis greets and a blonde walks through the door, steps bouncy. 

"Of course Iggy." Prompto responds and Noct recognises his name - one of Ignis's friends that often calls to see how Ignis is doing. 

"Are you okay? You sounded kinda spooked on the phone?" Prompto queries, fidgety hands tugging at his wrist band and a lock of hair before shoving them into his jean pockets. 

Ignis looks down, his glasses slipping down his nose and covering his eyes, trying to hide his emotions. "I confess I may have over reacted." Ignis starts. They walk through the living room over to the kitchen counter. Ignis inclines his head towards the cupboard and Prompto stares on perplexed. 

"What am I looking at?" The blonde asks, violet eyes large. 

Ignis huffs indignantly and Noct gets a sudden vision of what Ignis was like before, self assured, confident, and beautifully sarcastic. He doesn't know where the images came from but there welcome, slowly pulling at the edges of his consciousness, 

"The cupboard, its open. When I left for work, it was closed and the pop tarts were on the kitchen counter, what's more is a couple weeks ago, a wine glass fell off of my coffee table and shattered on the floor whiles I was asleep and days before that a shirt I had packed , conspicuously moved from the box to the bed." Ignis says and Noct silently thanks the gods because Ignis has noticed Noct's pathetic attempts to communicate with him and maybe they did scare Ignis a little but if he has noticed them maybe it won't be long before they can properly communicate. 

Prompto seems like a kind soul, rotund violet eyes softening as he looks over at Ignis and places a hand on his forearm. "I don't know what you're trying to tell me Iggy. Those just sound like coincidences , maybe -" He starts kindly only to be cut off by Ignis yanking his arm away, green eyes sharp. 

"I know what I've seen Prompto, I think he's trying to talk to me." Noct's eyes widen. Does Ignis know who he is? Knows that Noct's been trying to talk to him. He smiles, steps closer to them. 

Prompto's eyes shine with tears, fingers compulsively flexing and unflexing, shoulders tight. The blonde breathes deep before looking up at Ignis , searching the other man's eyes. "Ignis, I love you, we all do but what you're saying, it's, it's not possible. Were worried about you dude, you've been more distant lately, you haven't been to our weekly Friday dinner for like three weeks now and we've seen that you retracted the for-sale ad on the apartment. I don't think being there is good for you, there's too many memories. Your boxes have been sitting here packed for six months !" Prompto responds, voice thick with emotions that Noct can't comprehend. 

That explains the boxes, Ignis is moving out , not moving in. Maybe he's been waiting for Noct to communicate with him but why can't Noct remember him. He feels a longing, a sense of familiarity when he sees Ignis but there are so many blanks still. All he knows is that he's dead and Ignis need him. 

Noct can see a war is waging within Ignis, indecision, self doubt. He watches as Ignis swallows it all down, straightening his shoulders, spine stiff. "Thank you for coming over so quickly Prompto but I think I'd rather be left alone. I appreciate yours and Gladio's concern but it is completely unwarranted, I am fine , I assure you." Ignis replies, tone clipped. 

Prompto looks up at him sadly. He sighs long and low. "Iggy." He tries before Ignis smiles tightly. "Good day, Prompto." The green eyed man ends the conversation. 

Prompto curls his fingers around Ignis bicep, drawing Iggy's attention to the blonde's eyes. "Just." He starts before he cuts himself off and starts again. " Try and come to Friday night dinner, kay, we all miss you. We've had to have Gladio's cup noodles the past three weeks and its seriously clogging me up." Prompto says and Noct barks out a laugh, watches Ignis nod before the blonde lets himself out. 

"I'm here Ignis. I'm trying , okay and I promise I'll keep trying until we can see each other again. " Noct professes, hanging onto every word. Ignis has noticed and Noct will keep trying , keep working until he can be there for Ignis.


	4. 4

Noct tries harder than before , pushing his body to the limit every day in the hopes that he can give Ignis any type of sign that he's here. He gets better, slowly but surely however each time he shifts something with his mind or tries to talk he feels lethargic , feels like whatever energy he uses fades and fails to return to him. He spends his days flexing this supernatural pull he has inside of him and the rest sleeping off the exhaustion it causes. It's getting worse and he has to wonder if trying to contact Ignis is what is taking his energy away. But he cannot stop, Ignis was important to him, he knows that, he feels it deep within his bones. Whether in this life or the next he knows that Ignis is his and he's hurting. Noct doesn't need his memories to know that his soul belongs to Ignis and Ignis's to him.

So he tries to get stronger, the only disadvantage of this is he spends most of his energy whilst Ignis is at work so he can concentrate which means it's been a couple weeks since he has managed to give Ignis any indication that he's here , and Noct knows that he needs it especially after Ignis's tense conversation with Prompto. 

Noct watches Ignis from where he's slumped against the sofa in exhaustion. He's been practising his skills all day today and managed to lift pen to paper. Writing out the words seemed to cause the issue , but Noct has time. He reasons if he keeps up with his strict training schedule , within days he should be able to write Ignis a whole sentence, a whole damn poem, whatever he wants. 

Ignis is in the kitchen, cooking some type of rice bowl, the smell of decadent spices fills his nose and Noct hums. Mother and Child Rice Bowl are the words that fill his head and he feels an explosion of flavour on his tongue even though he's not eating anything. He knows what Ignis is making because it was Noct's favourite. A memory pops into his head, making his vision swim , himself , Ignis , Gladio and Prompto on a trip , he can't recall where but the heat is sweltering. The memory rolls around in his head, disjointed and flowing like wispy bits of smoke. They travel past a table where a woman is eating it, Noct's nose follows the smell and Ignis's eyes light up knowing he can replicate the recipe. 

Noct smiles sadly, a soft noise getting stuck in his throat when he sees Ignis start to get out two bowls. Noct tries to say something but the words are hollow. Ignis pops a large spoon in each bowl, turning around with a smile that fades when his eyes land on the empty sofa. 

"Oh Iggy." Noct sighs. Ignis has been a victim to instinct and muscle memory. Serving up food for two, especially Noct's favourite dish. What a cruel joke. 

Ignis clinks the bowls down on the kitchen counter top, fingers shaking. "Gods, why am I doing this to myself?" He asks aloud. Noct's angry, he's trying to communicate with Ignis but it isn't enough, he's not strong enough and every day he's letting Iggy down, tumbling him head first into a darkness Noct should be pulling him away from. 

"Noct." Ignis says brokenly and Noct yearns for him, heart squeezing in his chest at the pain in Ignis's voice. Gods Iggy said his name. It is him that Iggy wants, who he misses and needs. This assortment of memories that Noct has witnessed were all his from before he died. "Darling , please." Ignis whispers, words tired and listless. "I feel like I'm losing my mind. You've been gone eight months but sometimes, I feel - ." Ignis pauses , voice breaking on the word feel. "Feel like you're still here. There's things, out of place and I need." Ignis closes his eyes back leant against the kitchen counter , fingers gripping unbearably hard onto its surface. "Can you show me a sign that you're here, anything, or give reason to that rational part of me that's telling me this is nonsense, nothing more than my grief addled mind making me see things that aren't there." Ignis intones. 

Noct cries openly, feeling winded beyond belief. He stands on shaky legs, each step weighing him down from the amount of energy he expended today. "Baby, I'm here." Noct tells him, pale fingers reaching up to brush a lock of hair out of Ignis's eyes. His fingers flow straight through. He grits his teeth in frustration. 

"Come on Noct, you can do this. He needs you." Noct urges himself on, hands lingering on either side of Iggy's head, watching as glistening tears fall down Iggy's beautiful face. "Please, please. Just work." Noct begs, trying to pull at that place inside of him that gives him the strength to feel weighted to the living world. Noct feels a spark of it and he tries to draw it out but he can't. His vision flickers, black spots appearing and Noct feels his knees give out but he keeps pushing. 

He can see Iggy sigh, lips quivering as he inhales , his green eyes dull. Ignis begins walking away and Noct shakes with desperation as he stares at a pencil on the coffee table. Iggy is about to walk right by it , if only he could get it to move. Noct grits his teeth and ignores the pain flaring in his chest , screams and imagines the pencil moving. Iggy reaches an arm up, wiping furiously at his eyes as he makes his way down the hall. 

The pencil moves. 

Noct collapses.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left to go. I'm going to try and explore some more workings within this fandom, there's a lot of lore involved and would be fun to explore it. Hope you enjoy the chapter

Noct doesn't know how long he passed out for but when he wakes up , its dark outside. Iggy's by the room length windows, curled up in an armchair, staring out at the city with a cigarette in hand, beside him sits Gladio who's nursing a beer. Noct looks over to the coffee table, the pencil is forgotten on the floor beneath it, unseen. 

Noct watches as Iggy takes a long inhale of his cigarette, exhales and then closes his eyes. Noct has to lean against the sofa to keep himself upright but he can't look away. 

"I'm not crazy. I'm aware that Prompto told you I thought Noctis was trying to commune with me. I've realised now it was simply a result of my grief getting the better of me. I've called the realtor and the apartment is now back on the market." Ignis explains and Noct's heart fills with dread, his weak grip on the sofa the only thing keeping him upright. No. Iggy, Iggy can't go. Noct is here , he's here dammit and he just needs a little more time to conserve his energy and get stronger and let Ignis know that he's still here and that he loves him. 

Gladio swallows heavily and him and Noct both watch as Ignis extinguishes his cigarette before reaching up to skim deft fingers over his necklace. The rings clink together and more memories flood Noct's mind. A wedding. Their wedding. His and Iggy's. Prompto and Gladio being both of their best men. Flowing champagne and Noct taking dance lessons in secret for weeks so he could sweep Iggy off of his feet. Crisp white roses adorning a grand hall, laughter between friends, embraces between family. Loving each other, a toast where their glasses of champagne clinked together along with their rings. The rings that Iggy now wears around his throat , like a constant reminder, choking him, suffocating in its recollection of loss. Noct cries, thumb unconsciously rubbing at his index finger where his wedding band should be. 

"Gods Iggy , we know you're not crazy but we also know you've been through some traumatic shit and it's not for us to tell you when to feel better. And I know it's hard , having to get rid of this place, but everything here reminds you of Noct and at the minute you're drowning in it. Me and Prompto just wanna help you swim. " 

Gladio's words hit like a freight train. This whole time, Noct has thought about his yearning and Iggy's desire to see him again but what did he think was going to happen once he did contact Iggy. They could live happily ever after with Noct feeling like he's going to pass out every time he tries to make himself corporal. Having Ignis wallowing in misery and waiting for a sign his dead husband is trying to commune with him is no way to live. 

"I appreciate it Gladiolus, I really do. The past few months have been trying. I feel lost without him." Iggy's admission is hard to take, leaves a cloying thickness of wrong on Noct's tongue. Gladio places a placating hand on Ignis's shoulder and Noct wishes it could be his hand on Iggy, his words soothing , his - gods - his husband. 

Gladio and Ignis sit together , exchange pleasantries about Noct, each word lashing new memories through his mind's eye and it's a cruel thought but he almost wishes he wasn't remembering anything because with each passing second knowing he has to part from Iggy is crushing. 

When Gladio leaves Iggy sits by the window for some time, thoughts that Noct can't hear swimming behind those expressive emerald eyes. 

When Iggy stands , Noct slumps onto the sofa, readying himself to spend one last night beside his husband but to his surprise Ignis heads for the bedroom. Noct's heart hammers and gingerly he follows Ignis, allows himself to indulge and watch Ignis slowly finger open each button on his shirt , pulling each lapel aside to reveal a toned abdomen and wide shoulders. He's breath-taking and Noct tells him as much, azure eyes taking it in all , committing it to memory because there's no way he's going to allow himself to forget this again. Ever. Ignis slides his brown leather belt through the loops and it's not erotic, he's not aware of Noct watching him, but without even trying Ignis is sexy. His trousers go next leaving him in form fitting black boxer briefs. 

Ignis stops, face contemplative before he goes over to one of the boxes in the far corner of the room. He pulls open the flaps of the box before reaching in and pulling out a black jacket and Noct's breathing pauses when he realises it's the one he's wearing now. Noct watches, eyes distraught as Ignis brings the jacket up to his face, breathes it in , brushes his lips against the collar. Noct chokes out a sob and can do nothing but watch as Ignis haltingly walks to the bed , jacket still in hand. Ignis lays upon the bed , glasses discarded to the bedside table before lying on his side and burying his face in the jacket. Noct lies beside him, guilt and loss burning him from the inside out.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter ! :)

Lying beside Iggy is elating. Noct watches as he sleeps, grip never leaving Noct's jacket. From the moment Noct awoke he didn't know why he was here but now he does, looking at Iggy, he has to set him free. Noct is tethered here because Ignis hasn't fully let him go and Noct has been sending him half hopes which will only lead to a dead end. He has to let Iggy know it's okay to move on, it's okay to find a semblance of peace within this fucked up hand they've been dealt. If Noct's completely honest with himself, there's a part of him, a part he's ashamed of giving a voice to that doesn't want to. He wants to be selfish, to keep Iggy here with him , where within time once Noct gets strong enough they can steal glances and touches and make new memories. He's never felt as selfless or as selfish as he is when he's with Iggy. 

His time feels cut short, like his life had only just begun, the promises of something great on the horizon, only to be snatched away. The gods have a lousy sense of humour Noct thinks bitterly as he reaches out to brush a stray bit of hair away from Iggy's forehead. He starts when his finger connects, brown hair like silk between his fingers.

Ignis's eyes flutter, brow furrowing , lips parting. "Noct." He whispers , still on the edges of sleep and Noct smiles, concentrates hard on this moment, on what he owes Iggy, on how much he loves him. Noct runs his fingers down Iggy's cheek, skin soft beneath his touch and he lets out a contented sigh, relishing and remembering how much he loved to touch his husband. Ignis's eyes open slowly and once they do, his eyes widen incrementally before he closes them , shaking his head minutely. When he opens them again, he fixes Noct with a hard stare, eyes cautious and searching. 

Noct reaches down for Iggy's hand , lacing their fingers together. "Hey baby." Noct breathes and Iggy's resolve crumbles, a strangled sob working its way up his throat. "Is this real?" Ignis questions, one hand gripping Noct's the other fixed onto Noct's jacket. 

Noct nods slowly, feels pressure run through his body, fire licking through him, the longer he tries to hold on, to stay corporal. He doesn't care, all that matters is Iggy and Noct giving him this. 

Ignis makes a broken keening noise , lurches forward to kiss Noct and when he does Noct feels at home. The kiss is warm, the taste of saltine tears spilling from both of their eyes joining their press of tongues. Noct holds on with all his might. "How?" Iggy whispers against his lips and Noct shrugs. "I woke up a couple months ago in our bed. Couldn't remember who I was , just saw you and felt drawn to you. The longer I was here the more I figured it out, then I spent months trying to talk to you but I just wasn't strong enough, I'm sorry." 

"Don't apologise, your here now." Ignis breathes and Noct feels complete, feels whole , in the presence of Ignis. His best friend. His husband . His soul mate. But he can't stay, he knows he can't. 

"I heard your conversation with Gladio, you're selling the apartment." Noct says and immediately Ignis's face comes awash with guilt and Noct rushes to soothe him. "I want you to do it, you need somewhere where you can heal , not somewhere where everywhere you turn , I'm there. " Noct tells him. "I want you here. Always." Ignis replies and Noct sighs, presses their foreheads together. "In this whole world , there is nothing I want more but you and I both know I can't do that. I think the reason that I'm here is that neither of us are ready to let go and if we don't learn to, the grief is gonna tear us apart from the inside out." 

Ignis exhales shakily, long fingers running from Noct's hand, up his arm and over the curve of his shoulder to cup his jaw. " Noctis Lucis Caelum I swear an oath to stand by you, whatever it takes. I will stand by you always and help you bear your burdens." Noct closes his eyes as Ignis speaks, the beginning of Ignis's vowels. He lets the words of love and adoration wash over him, sink into skin and help keep him tethered, keep him corporal. When Ignis is almost done Noct opens his eyes and finishes with him. "I love you and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. My first, my last, my everything." 

Ignis smiles sadly. "Always and forever." Ignis affirms and Noct kisses him shakily , sniffs pathetically. "This is more than I can take." Noct confesses. "Knowing what I know now, what we are to each other, I'm so angry I wasted so much time when I first woke up." Noct knows its futile to consider what if's and maybes now , especially as his memory was devoid but he feels at a standstill , grid locked on a one-way road. He's dead already, he just has to let go. 

Ignis looks at him contemplatively, understanding always, reading him like no other has ever been able to or ever will. Iggy slowly leans forward , brushes his lips against Noct's. It feels like a revelation, like a live wire coursing through his veins. He grips Iggy's arms , deepens the kiss and when Iggy whispers a shuddering 'please' against his lips , Noct's resolve breaks, shatters into a thousand tiny shards and he forgets about all the what if's and why me's , the why us and kisses Iggy, pours all of his love and affection into it. 

They make love and Noct makes sure to cling onto every feeling, every hitch of breath ,the way Iggy drags his nails down Noct's back whiles he whispers how good it feels, how good Noct feels in him. And all Noct can go is gasp , tell Iggy how much he's missed him, how much he loves him as he links their fingers together, pushes them over Iggy's head and pins him down, stares in adoration at the flush the movement causes on Iggy's pale skin. Watches how their wedding rings gently move up and down along with Iggy's gasping moans. It's over all too soon and Noct holds Ignis to him, knowing their reaching their last moments together. Noct feels weak, body and mind expended way beyond him. He places a kiss to Iggy's forehead , the inside of his wrist, his lips and finally the hollow of his collarbone where his necklace resides. He tries to hold onto Iggy for longer but it becomes too much. Noct lets himself fall back, body going loose and invisible again. He feels drained and let's his heavy lids slide shut. 

/

He awakens several hours later to the sun beginning to peak through the blinds. Noct feels a tug pull at him, nothing like when he was trying to become corporal, this feels solid, all-encompassing and he knows. It's time. He puts all his strength into his body, smooths his fingers out over Ignis's cheek. His husband stirs, large green eyes locked onto Noct's blue ones. "It's time, isn't it?" Ignis asks , though he knows the answer. Noct tries to smile but it's watery and broken. 

"Every year that I've known you has been a blessing Ignis Scienta - Caelum. It's been an honour to live by you and love you. I want you to be happy baby, that's all I want." Noct whispers, sincerity and love lacing his tone. 

"I'll love you. Always. Save a seat for me up there." Ignis replies, reaching for one last embrace that Noct happily gives him. Something loosens in them both, almost like it's clicking into place and although they have to say goodbye , both know it isn't forever. Ignis's grip lessens, the space where Noct once occupied disappears until Ignis is grasping nothing but air. 

/

Noct walks down a vast corridor, the walls are painted a cloud white , with beautiful adorned canvas's on display, all fine art. This place is beautiful and no matter how much time he spends here he's always in awe of it. He thought passing over would be painful, but it wasn't. It brought a sense of peace, of completion. But he still waits for Ignis to join him , it isn't his time yet , ten years on from when Noctis left him and he's still shining bright , living beautifully and Noct waits for him, as he always will.

Noct walks down to a cloud where he perches on the edge, legs swinging back and forth. Below he can see Ignis, celebrating his 35th birthday, eyes a gleam as Prompto and Gladio both heft in a considerable looking cake with bright green icing oozing from every orifice. They sing happy birthday obscenely loud and Noctis joins in though he knows his friends cannot hear him. 

"Happy birthday Igster ! Hope you enjoy the cake , its homemade!" Prompto proclaims as he presses a wet kiss to Ignis's cheek. 

"Oh really?" Iggy asks with a quiver of laughter in his voice. "I couldn't tell." He finishes with a little smirk though he leans into Prompto's embrace. 

"Hey!" Prompto pouts then proceeds to yelp and rush for the cake when it starts land sliding. 

Gladio and Ignis laugh, jovial sounds as they join Prompto in what Gladio happily declares as #CakeGate702ME

In the past ten years that Noct has watched Ignis, the man has become more beautiful, more refined. Has travelled , has worked, has loved, has lived and Noct couldn't be more grateful. He longs for the day he can have Ignis by his side but until then he will watch and experience everything with him, will cry when Ignis cries, will laugh when Ignis laughs and will stand here with open arms and an open heart when Ignis crosses over. 

"Happy Birthday Ignis Scienta - Caelum." Noct celebrates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties with Noct's ability to stay in contact with Ignis as I wanted them to have some closure. I didn't say how Noct died , just didn't feel organic trying to put his death in there, even though hes dead throughout the whole thing so I leave it upto you guys to interpret how it happened. Also , just made up the year this goes down for Gladio's hashtag. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the story and I hope I have some additions to thus fandoms FF in the future.


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